About a year ago, I noticed I was starting to go bald. I’m 21 now, and it’s progressing really fast – there’s a massive thinning patch on my crown, and my temples are receding. More or less Norwood III vertex. The thing is, back then, I decided not to go on expensive medication. I thought I’d just accept it, embrace who I am, and try to love myself regardless of my hairline. I also read about the dreadful sexual side effects that some of the treatments could have and decided it wasn’t worth the risk.
Now, though, I bitterly regret that decision. I look absolutely horrendous, and it’s painfully obvious to everyone that I’m balding. I’m only 21—I should look young and healthy, but instead, I look like an old man. My bad skin, which I can’t seem to sort out, and my naturally pale complexion don’t help either. And on top of all that, I’m still a virgin and not particularly muscular. I can’t imagine why any sane girl would ever fancy me now that I’m losing my hair.
I feel myself sinking deeper into depression, and I don’t know what to do. I desperately want a girlfriend, and I just want to feel good about myself again, but I can’t see how. If I shave my head, I’ll look like I’m wasting away from some horrible illness. I’m usually a positive, optimistic person, but this is really testing me. I need some advice.
Get yourself to the gym. Put some proper muscle on. If you think you’d look like you’re wasting away without hair, chances are you already do with hair.
Starting out is nowhere near as hard as you think. Download the free StrongLifts 5x5 e-book and just crack on with it.
Confidence breeds confidence, and that’s the single most important thing to give your life a proper boost. Watching those numbers go up will make you feel stronger both mentally and physically and you’ll be well on your way to smashing it.
Also, I’m bald. Guess how many fucks I give? Zero. Straight up doesn’t matter. In fact, I reckon it looks badass. Buzz it off and never look back.
Shave your head first, you might have a decent-shaped skull. See how you look with a buzz cut. You can always stick a hat on if you’re not keen. But badly thinning hair? That hardly ever looks good. Just shave it.
Agreed, shave it off. Just say screw it and get rid. A bald spot stands out way more than a proper buzz cut. Try going super short first, leave a bit of stubble, then see if a full shave suits you.
Pair it with a beard and it can really work.
The main thing is finding a look that makes you feel confident. It doesn’t have to tick some box of masculinity, just needs to feel right. Once you’ve got that confidence, you’ll be far more attractive.
Shave your head. Grow a decent beard or something similar. See a doctor about your skin issues. Get outside more. If the weather is grim, go tanning, but in moderation. There is a big difference between a healthy skin tone and looking like a worn-out leather bag. Plus, some skin conditions actually improve with a bit of sunlight.
No need to go mad with the weights, but there is nothing wrong with toning up a bit.
Looks like the issue runs deeper than just balding. You are not having much luck with women and pinning it on your appearance. Speaking as a pale, skinny-fat bloke with zero muscle and no athletic ability (haven’t done anything active in five years), unless you are truly unfortunate-looking, you can still do just fine. The hottest girl I ever hooked up with even told me she liked my little flabs because blokes with perfect bodies are too obsessed with themselves.
Here are three things you need to do:
Stop caring. Nobody likes people who do not like themselves. They whine, they are annoying, and they lack confidence. Own who you are. I will never pull girls purely on looks (unless I start working out, but that sounds exhausting). Worst case scenario, neither will you. I have accepted that. So should you. The moment you do, you will be calmer and far less desperate.
Be interesting. I have nothing going for me in the looks department, but I can hold a conversation. I am witty with a twisted sense of humour. I am awful at cute flirting, but it does not matter. Women sleep with me because I am interesting, not because I have a fabulous head of hair.
Take care of yourself. Work with what you have. You are skinny? Great—most modern fashion suits skinny blokes. You are balding? Shave it off. You think you are too pale? Get a light tan if it bothers you. Speak to a dermatologist about skincare.
Your looks probably do not matter as much as you think. But being miserable and desperate? Those are two of the most unattractive traits anyone can have.
Be the best version of yourself, but accept when you have hit your ceiling. Then shift your focus to perfecting other things. You may not end up looking dramatically different, but you will be a far more attractive person. If you want a serious relationship, personality wins over looks every time.
Focus on what you can change: sort your skin out, hit the gym, and buy clothes that actually fit properly.
Your hair is your hair. Some people lose it, others do not. Either way, it is out of your hands. I reckon not taking Propecia was the right call. I took it, and when the bad side effects started creeping in, it was terrifying. Luckily, things went back to normal after I stopped, but I think I was lucky. Having a functioning penis mattered far more to me than keeping a full head of hair.
Women are drawn to confidence, not hair. Take charge of your life and stop panicking about “looking like I am dying of AIDS.”
Hit the gym, set some goals, and focus on things you can control. I guarantee you will feel better about yourself and the situation. Hair is overrated, mate. Do not waste your time stressing over what you cannot change. Life is too short.
All I can say is, be patient. Maybe at 21, girls care, but in a few years, they absolutely won’t. Grow a beard, learn to have a laugh about it, and move on.
Damn solid advice, mate. Cheers. You are right. I have got some deeper issues, probably a bit of self-loathing under the surface. Been working on shaking it off for the past five years or so. Sorting out my self-esteem will be the real game changer.
I started balding around 23, and that was 20 years ago. Honestly, I never gave it much thought, apart from maybe using it for my username.
When it comes to your attractiveness, don’t stress about it too much. The biggest turn-off for any woman is a man who lacks confidence. You need to embrace your sexy baldness.
Sure, some women aren’t attracted to bald blokes. So what? There are plenty of women you’re probably not attracted to for all sorts of reasons.
I’ll tell you this. There are loads of women who love bald heads. I’ve never had any shortage of beautiful and interesting women in my life. Well, that’s changed since I got married five years ago, but you get the idea.
Keep your hair cut very short and you’ll either look less bald or at least seem like you’re owning your baldness.
The real issue isn’t your hair, it’s your confidence. If you want to attract women, you’ll need to work on that, not your hair.
My boyfriend has been bald since before anyone in our friend group knew him. I’m the third girl to go after him. He wasn’t working or in school during any of those times either. He’s just one of those great men. The kind of person you want around at every hangout.
It’s not youor looks, mate (at least not even half of it is your looks). The way you presents yourself starts within. If you can become more relaxed and confident, I promise you’ll benefit from it more than being an awkward muscular guy with a mop of hair.
May I ask what education requires you to have a weak body? I know guys in professions that require delicate and precise movements but that never stopped them from working out responsibly Anyway, fix what’s inside before you worry about your hair.
Hey mate, I’m in the same boat as you. My hair started noticeably thinning when I was around 18 or 19. I dealt with it for about a year until I was nearly 21, then I just thought, forget it, and shaved my head.
At first, I seriously regretted it, but now I reckon it’s one of the smartest things I’ve done for my appearance. Life could always be worse, at the end of the day, it’s just hair.
Stop faffing about and just cut it off. That’s right, grab some clippers and shave it all off completely. Problem sorted. Honestly, how do people get so worked up over something this trivial?
Baldness is a sign of virility. Young men who feel ashamed of going bald remind me of young women feeling embarrassed when their breasts first start coming in. It’s a sign you’re becoming a man, so own it.
Don’t shave your head completely, the skinhead look, at best, sends off signals that you’re some libertarian engineer banging on about men’s rights, and that’s not going to help with the ladies. Instead, keep your hair short. A bald patch with a ponytail or a combover won’t hide anything; it’ll just make you look like you’re ashamed. Don’t be.
Own it. You’ve only got one body in this life. Treat it well. Eat properly, exercise, and see a doctor if something’s broken or smells a bit off. Beyond that, learn to love it.
Follow this simple rule: you can be fat, you can be bald, but you can’t be both.
I started balding at 22. Well, if I’m honest, it really began at 21, but by 22, I couldn’t lie to myself about it anymore. I don’t know what I could say that would make you feel better, because when I was 22, nothing anyone told me made a difference. Eventually, though, you hit a point where you realise you’ve wasted enough time stressing over going bald, and you just stop caring. It’s all about how you carry yourself.
I won’t sugarcoat it, people are going to be brutal. You’ll be made fun of, and you’ll be the butt of a lot of jokes. But here’s the thing: it’s never as big a deal to anyone else as it is to you.
I also think it’s important to go through that phase of feeling rubbish. When you finally snap out of it. and trust me, you will snap out of it. everything else feels better. You won’t overthink every interaction with a girl, wondering what she thinks of your hair. You’ll become more easy-going. I’ve seen that with a lot of bald men who’ve learned to accept it and move on.
Grow some facial hair, it balances out a bald head nicely. As someone who lost their hair at 21 as well, I feel your pain. Mine has been gone for around 15 years now, and I still miss it every day.
That said, I’m happy with how I am now, and somehow, I found a great wife even with a bald head. Something I had convinced myself would never happen.